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Editorial: Reactions to new Disney World attractions
So, Tiana’s Bayou Adventure opened for Cast Member, Media and “Disney influencers” last week, and I can easily say that the ride is nowhere near as bad as the click-chasing YouTubers are loudly proclaiming it to be. I’m not saying the ride doesn’t have problems, they just aren’t anywhere near as bad as everyone claims they are.
You’ve no doubt seen stories about it breaking down during previews. Guess what, that’s what previews are for. If it continues having problems AFTER it opens (which it will), then you can write it off as a “failure” just like you do the equally capricious Rise of the Resistance. Oh, we don’t do that? Hmm, I wonder what the difference could be.
Also, I was excited to see that they finally tore down all the walls around the new Communicore… until I saw what was inside it. I get it’s a flex space (like the nearby Odessey), but, right now, it looks like the cafeteria in a community college… or worse that soulless tent restaurant they had at Caribbean Beach a few years ago while they were renovating their main building (and not necessarily for the better). They’ll fix it up for the next festival, but it needs attention now.
The ingenious way they planned to distract us from the shiny corporate dullness was a Frozen style sing-along from their hottest IP taking place on the stage behind the newly constructed building. In fact, I was planning a trip around early September in hopes of seeing it… until I caught one of the aforementioned influencer’s live stream of the show.
This is why I hate being a former Theatre Critic because unlike the Frozen show at Hollywood Studios this “Encanto” outing, which has a vaguely similar format to its DHS counterpart, has absolutely nothing going for it. The two hosts are not only painfully unfunny, but they lack even the tiniest semblance of chemistry not that the lazy (and obviously rushed) writing gives them anything to work with anyway.
Ok, fine, so no-one sees a jukebox musical for its stellar plot. They get a pass on the singing (as it’s outsourced to the audience), but not on the lazy, play-by-ear “choreography” that would make the ten-year-old theatre camper in a shameless, no budget rip-off of Beauty & Beast cringe. They even manage to screw up the special character appearances at the end as even the actor playing Bruno had this bewildered “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing here” look on his face during the entirety of the final song. Which brings me to this show’s biggest and least forgivable sin – they cut the songs off two-thirds of the way through!! So, no “grandkids round-up” in “The Family Madrigal.”
However, unlike Tiana’s underwhelming adventure, the Madrigals can easily turn their disastrous outing into a true “Celebración” of its title (or at least a passable high school production). First, include the full songs, it’s not like you’re going to strike yourself for “copyright infringement.” Second, put something ON the stage (besides the useless hosts). This is Celebración Encanto not Our Town. Third, ditch the trivia and write a script with actual transitions – this is a stage show, not pool games at the resorts!
Lastly, revamp the character appearances at the end of the show. Mirabel is okay, but Bruno spent the entire time looking lost… because he really doesn’t belong there! It should be Mirabel, Luisa and Isabela leading the dance at the end, not just to align with marketing paradigms but because they’re featured in two of the show’s four songs! They’re also extremely popular, and if all four of my relatively simple suggestions are actually followed, so will this show (as in people won’t wander out midway through).
The hard part is fixing Tiana’s Bayou Adventure as the general consensus seems to be that lacks a cohesive story with many reviewers pointing out the lack of a “villain” on the ride. Yes, Disney went out of its way to say the ride takes place AFTER the movie, but nearly every “review” of this ride I’ve seen says it should be Facilier not Mama Odie who “shrinks guests to the size of frogs” (though she can remain the one who “restores us to normal size”) as to be fair, that is kinda his thing. In other words, continuity be damned – this is a log flume!
To be clear, NO-ONE is calling for a Facilier Audio-Animatronic on the ride as it’s as expensive as it is unnecessary. However, if they started working on it as soon as the first “review” popped up online, then they would have enough time to switch the five or six second animation at the “shrinking” scene from Odie to Facilier in time for the ride’s official open next week.
A simpler (and, more importantly, cheaper) solution – which Disney may have already implemented by now – would be to have Tiana say “Well, friends, it looks like that crooked Dr. Facilier is causing trouble up ahead. I’ll send Louis to scare him off” any time the ride resets. I certainly heard the “Br’er Fox/Br’er Bear” version enough times on its previous iteration. Add in the CMs telling guests to “be careful of” or “on the lookout for” the not-so-good doctor would be an equally cost-effective measure – even if he’s never actually seen on the ride itself.
The other main problem early reviewers are having is that the ride is supposedly “too dark” with lots of “black space with nothing going on.” I believe the term they’re looking for is “scene delineation,” though a few people have suggested adding some simple light or shadow effects here and there to suggest that Facilier is watching and/or following you through the ride. It might not be an ideal solution, but it’ll work until they can add they can add in the aforementioned animation. Even if they don’t, it’ll still work with the hypothetical reset script from my previous paragraph.
As I said, Communicore will be fixed in time for their next festival. The question is whether they can (or will) fix Tiana or Encanto…
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World Sea Turtle Day
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Happy Flag Day
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Happy 90th Birthday to Donald Duck!
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Happy Memorial Day weekend
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MSN: All 27 Pixar films ranked worst to best
So, someone at MSN decided to follow up their Disney rankings with a ranked list of all Pixar films. Again, I haven’t seen all of them, so I’ll only comment on those I have.
Note: They posted a separate abbreviated list this morning, but this was based on their earlier compilation (…which they no longer have up).
27. “Cars 3” – haven’t seen it
26. “Finding Dory” – haven’t seen it, but I hated the first one so…
25. “The Good Dinosaur” – AGREE, this is easily my least favorite Pixar film (with “Brave” being a close second)
24. “Cars 2” – haven’t seen it
23. “Monsters University” – while not as good as its predecessor, this ranking seems a bit low
22. “Lightyear” – haven’t seen it
21. “A Bug’s Life” – for an early effort (late-90s), this isn’t terrible. It’s just overshadowed by newer, better works
20. “Brave” – while certainly ambitious, this bear flick is way too high on this list. I’d probably flip it with “Monsters University.”
19. “Onward” – again, haven’t seen it
18. “Cars” – I get it got “mixed” reviews, but this seems a tad low.
17. “Soul” – haven’t seen it.
16. “Elemental” – AGREED, there are, um, elements of this movie that work… and others that don’t. It’s not a bad film, but it’s not great either.
15. “Toy Story 4” – I haven’t seen ANY of the TS films. Sorry.
14. “Luca” – DISAGREE, this is easily one of my favorite Pixar films. It deserves to be a LOT higher on this list.
13. “Finding Nemo” – one of the most universally beloved Pixar films of all time… but not by me. I think it’s overrated and way too high on this list. I might flip it with something like “Cars.”
12. “Monsters Inc.” – seems a tad low for such a classic
11. “Toy Story”
10. “The Incredibles” – my second favorite Pixar film. It’s in the top ten, but it’s STILL too low
09. “Toy Story 3”
08. “UP” -AGREED
07. “Inside Out” – AGREED
06. “Ratatouille” – AGREED
05. “Turned Red” – TOTALLY DISAGREE, this film is waay too high. I’d flip it with “Monsters Inc.”
04. “Toy Story 2”
03. “Coco” – a good film… but NOT top five material.
02. “Incredibles 2” – couldn’t watch due to the strobe effects. I’d flip it with its predecessor anyway.
01. “Wall–E” – AGREED… but I liked “Luca” more.
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Summer Countdown: 38 days
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Summer Countdown: 42 days
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MSN: Disney films ranked worst to best
Someone at MSN compiled a ranked listing of every Disney animated film. While I have not seen all of the movies on this list (or, at least, recently), that doesn’t mean I can’t voice my opinion on those I have.
Note, I am not including “package films” (like “Melody Time” or “Saludos, Amigos”), Direct-2-Video (“Brother Bear 2” or “Belle’s Enchanted Christmas”) or TV pilots/spin-offs (like “Atlantis 2: Milo’s Adventure”)
53. “Chicken Little” (2005) – never saw it, but it looks horrible.
52. “The Fox and the Hound” (1981) – haven’t seen it in ages, but 2nd to last seems a bit harsh
51. “Home on the Range” (2004) – never saw it, but it looks terrible
50. “Dinosaur” (2000) – never saw it… but I did see “Wish” (2023) and it’s far more deserving of this spot.
49. “Bolt” (2008) – 100% DIS-AG-REE, this is easily one of my favorite films. It deserves to be a LOT higher than this!
48. “Oliver & Company” (1988) – it has its problems, but still too low on this list
47. “The Black Cauldron” (1985) – agreed, if anything this is too high. I might switch this with The Fox and the Hound.
46. “Meet the Robinsons” (2007) – never saw it. It looks almost as bad as Chicken Little, but it has its fans.
45. “The Rescuers” (1977)
44. “The Aristocats” (1970)
43. “Robin Hood” (1973)
42. “Pocahontas” (1995)
41. “Raya and the Last Dragon” (2021) – agreed, movie was a disaster. In fact, this might even be too high. I might switch it with Bolt.
40. “Strange World” (2022)
39. “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” (2001)
38. “Treasure Planet” (2002) – agreed, but Atlantis was the better film, so flip with Strange World.
37. “The Rescuers Down Under” (1990)
36. “The Sword in the Stone” (1963) – “a modern mess.” ~ Merlin, so may flip with Robin Hood.
35. “Frozen II”
34. “Brother Bear” (2003)
33. “Tangled” (2010) – Disagree, too low. Flip with one of the Wreck-It-Ralph films.
32. “The Emperor’s New Groove” (2000)
31. “Wreck–It Ralph” (2012)
30. “Alice in Wonderland” (1951)
29. “Big Hero 6” (2014)
28. “Tarzan” (1999) – flip with Tangled
27. “Zootopia” (2016) – flip with Frozen II
26. “Hercules” (1997)
25. “Ralph Breaks the Internet” (2018) – flip with “BH6”
24. “Encanto” (2021)
23. “The Great Mouse Detective” (1986) – disagree, flip with Emperor’s New Groove
22. “Frozen” (2013)
21. “Lilo & Stitch” (2002)
20. “Mulan” (1998)
19. “Cinderella” (1950) – my mom’s favorite movie
18. “Aladdin” (1992)
17. “The Little Mermaid” (1989)
16. “Lady and the Tramp” (1955)
15. “101 Dalmatians” (1961)
14. “The Princess and the Frog” (2009)
13. “Peter Pan” (1953) – disagree, it’s messy and problematic. Probably flip with Hercules.
12. “The Jungle Book” (1967)
11. “Winnie the Pooh” (2011) – never saw it
10. “Moana” (2016)
09. “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” (1996) – flip with Princess/Frog
08. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (1937) – flip with Lilo & Stitch
07. “The Lion King” (1994)
06. “Dumbo” (1941)
05. “Beauty and the Beast” (1991)
04. “Bambi” (1942) – flip with Lion King
03. “Fantasia” (1940) – flip with Cinderella
02. “Sleeping Beauty” (1959) – flip with Encanto
01. “Pinocchio” (1940) – flip with Moana
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MSN: Disney songs that don’t deserve their movie
Someone at MSN compiled a list of songs this morning that they felt “shouldn’t have been included” in their respective movies. While I have not seen all of the movies on this list (or, at least, recently), that doesn’t mean I can’t voice my opinion on those I have.
29. “Fixer Upper” (Frozen) – AGREE, terrible song with an equally terrible message
28. “Fathoms Below” (The Little Mermaid)
27. “This is the Thanks I Get” (Wish) – DISAGREE, this was the only memorable song in this film
26. “Human Again” (Beauty & the Beast)
25. “This Wish” (Wish) – AGREE, generic “I want” song with strong vocals but mediocre lyrics
24. “Kanine Krunchies” (101 Dalmatians)
23. “A Place Called Slaughter Race” (Wreck-It-Ralph 2)
22. “Sing Sweet Nightingale” (Cinderella)
21. “Reindeer Are Better Than People” (Frozen) – AGREE, cute enough song, but it doesn’t fit with the rest of the movie
20. “It’s Gonna Be Great” (Winnie The Pooh)
19. “Some Things Never Change” (Frozen 2) – DISAGREE, it’s fun, catchy and doesn’t belong on this list
18. “A Guy Like You” (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
17. “One Last Hope” (Hercules)
16. “The Siamese Song” (Lady and the Tramp) – AGREE, annoying, problematic, and racist. The reason this article exists, so no idea why it’s this low on the list
15. “When I See an Elephant Fly” (Dumbo)
14. “Perfect Isn’t Easy” (Oliver and Company)
13. “One Little Slip” (Chicken Little) – DISAGREE, it’s catchy, upbeat and sung well.
12. “What Made The Red Man Red?” (Peter Pan) – AGREE, offensive, problematic, and racist – even by 1950s standards. It should never have sullied such an otherwise classic movie.
11. “Trashin’ The Camp” (Tarzan) – DISAGREE, this was probably the most fun song in the movie
10. “Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Oo” (Home on the Range) – AGREE, horrible song that really doesn’t fit the rest of the film
09. “Scales And Arpeggios” (The Aristocats)
08. “The Scuttlebutt” (2023’s The Little Mermaid)
07. “Pink Elephants on Parade” (Dumbo) – AGREE, sure the message is okay, but, like the berry scene in The Good Dinosaur, it doesn’t really fit with the tone of the film or the Disney brand
06. “The Morning Report” (The Lion King) – DISAGREE, establishes Zazu’s character and sets the tone for the rest of the film.
05. “A Girl Worth Fighting For” (Mulan)
04. “Lack Of Education” (The Fox and the Hound)
03. “Hello, Little Girl” (Into the Woods) – AGREE, but to fair, the entire movie was a trainwreck – and not the entertaining kind!!
02. “Days in the Sun” (2017’s Beauty and the Beast)
01. “When I Am Older” (Frozen 2) – DISAGREE, not only is the not the worst Disney song in canon (this song beats ANYTHING on the Wish soundtrack), it’s also not even Olaf’s worst song.
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